Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
