Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
