I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
