keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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