In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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