I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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