I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
