The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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