ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
