I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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