Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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