I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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