Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
do herpes really smell.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
