3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
even my farts smell like vagina
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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