I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
