tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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