drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
