Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
