nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
