I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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