u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
