Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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