yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
