I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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