Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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