I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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