Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
