Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
