Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
MIDGETS
????
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
