all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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