tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
That accounts for only three of the penises
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
