yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
