These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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