I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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