The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
