i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
