You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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