I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
