How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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