its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
