weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
