Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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