Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
