ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
