Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
