it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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