He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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