It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
