After last night, I could never be a politician.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
