so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
