ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
