just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
