You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
