Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
