man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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