john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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