my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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