You just made me feel so damn special
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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