We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
