Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
