In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
