plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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