my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
