he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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