Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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